I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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