real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
