if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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