MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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