Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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