I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize