I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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