The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
