Define "chronic" masturbator.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
