it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
