it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
