Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
