I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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