and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i came on her dog
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
