walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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