what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
