I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize