My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This toilet bowl is my home.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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