Me too!
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize