First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you had me at cake vodka
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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