What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
