yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
