he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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