I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Never underestimate the power of titties
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize