Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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