Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
