i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize