it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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