Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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