wakey wakey hands off snakey
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
