I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
