sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My vagina is officially offended.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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