Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
