Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
