Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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