She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This is the high leading the old right now
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
