so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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