Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
