So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
