You can't motorboat a personality
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
