i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
