Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
