I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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