bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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