Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
