Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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