Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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