Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
