Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
