he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
