It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
