we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
