About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
