He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
