What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
