also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize