Too much gin, very little bucket
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
