ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
