doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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