I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
