How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
