my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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