Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
