Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
