if only i could text you this smell
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
