So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
