Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
