she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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