What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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