My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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