no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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