Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
