She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
