You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
