he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
