The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
