Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
