I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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